Netflix Streaming Review - Primer

The most time-travely movie in the history of time-travely movies

"You're going to love these chicks dude.  Just seriously, don't drop the nitrate."

Remember that part in Looper when JGL and Bruce Willy meet up for the first time and JGL's all like, "Yo, so what's the deal with time travel, bro?  Like, ain't there paradoxes and sh*t?"  And then Bruce Willy's smacks him and is like, "Hey dummy, do you have any damn clue how long it would take us to spend discussing the implications of time travel??  Now get outta here, I got some toddlers to pop."  I really liked that exchange because it was pretty much Rian Johnson winking at the audience and saying, "Hey, listen, we know a bunch of this time travel sh*t probably won't make sense.  We know.  But that's not really the point of the movie."  Well, that nonsensical conversation that Willis alludes to?  Yeah, Primer is pretty much that movie.

Review: Pain & Gain - The Cinematic Equivalent of that Chaotic Trip to Vegas You Take to Vegas Every Now and Then so You Don't Kill Everyone You Know

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?  Because guess what b*tch, IT'S A MOTHERF*CKING HAND!!!

Listen, I'm not going to sit here and attempt to pose some bullsh*t pseudo-intellectual argument about why I enjoyed the ever-loving sh*t out of Pain & Gain *licks lips, leans in before speaking to Charlie Rose* "Well, you see Charlie, Pain & Gain isn't so much a film about the decay of the American Dream as it is a treatise on the post-modern degradation of moral objectivism and what it truly means to be... well, not just American.  But what it means to be... human."  Oh go f*ck yourself *sshole with the Oliver Peoples glasses and Paul Stuart tweed jacket that I just made up in my head.  Your useless ivory tower posits infuriate me to no end.