Trailer Alert - Inside Llewyn Davis

POLTERGEIST!!! RUN!!!

As a movie/curly-headed siblings expert, the Coen brothers are pretty much the cream of the crop.  There's a miss every now then (so I'm told; I like all of their movies), but few are as consistently distinct and original.  Here's a trailer for their newest, Inside Llewyn Davis, after the jump.

Opening This Weekend (1/25 -1/27)

You guys remember "Van Helsing?"  Yeah, me neither.

Opening - Hansel and Gretel, Movie 43, Parker

Oscar Nom Picks

"Dude, seriously, just keep your eyes closed.  No one will think you're gay.  I promise."

Let's get weird!  Let's weird!  Man, there's nothing like blogging out by predicting the Oscar winners.  I mean, just so f*cking fetch.  Where to even start?  What's that?  Best Picture?  Yeah, okay, I guess that's pretty obvious.  What?  No!  Not true!  Shut up, bro!  No, you're an idiot!  Oh yeah!  Oh yeah!  Well, umm, that's not what your Mom said last night!

Jesus, I seriously need to get more friends.

Opening this Weekend (1/18 - 1/20)

"The name's Kyle Chandler.  Now don't be alarmed, but just so you're aware, I will be in ALL of the movies this year."

Opening - Broken City, The Last Stand, Mama

Netflix Streaming Review - Indie Game: The Movie

Heavy-handed and righteously self-important, Indie Game: The Movie is not a film for bullies and varsity QBs.

MESSAGE

Are you lonely and feel dejected?  Don’t feel like anyone really appreciates you?  Well then boy, do I have the movie for you!  It’s called Indie Game: The Movie and it’s all about, well, being yourself!

Ugh, this movie was a bit of a painful watch.  Don’t get me wrong; I liked it.  Sort of.  It just had a lot of those… I don’t know, “really?” sort of moments.  Because with documentaries there’s a bit of a give and take you need to establish with the audience.  When you make the traditional fictional movie that we’re all familiar with, you as the director are granted a lot of leeway because you’re dictating a narrative, guts and all.  As such, we’re willing to work with you in regards to establishing setting, developing characters, so on and so forth.  But with a documentary, you’re more of a purveyor; a third party lurking around eying the goods so you can make that ever so sweet score.  So with that being the case, you reeeeeeally need to give the audience something they can identify with.  I mean introducing me to a beautiful woman is very attention grabbing, but if she’s littered with venereal diseases, what exactly do you expect me to get out of the situation?

Netflix Streaming Review - Jiro Dreams of Sushi

A Man on Wire-esque documentary that uses the culture of sushi to explore one man's pursuit of perfection.

Thanks Jiro, making me feel reeeeeal good about drinking this here Cobra 

Okay, so I have a confession to make.  Diners, Drive Ins and Dives on the Food Network is easily one of my biggest guilty pleasures, especially on a hangover Sunday.  And I don’t really know why.  Call me old-fashioned, but Guy Fieri is a lumbering, mouth-breathing caricature that is either an evil genius fooling everyone and becoming insanely wealthy in the process or a tacky, out-of-touch goon that just happened to stumble upon a random pot of gold.  Either way, I don’t like him.  But beyond lazy ad hominem attacks, the real issue of DDD is that the structure of the show is a one trick pony designed to appeal to our most base instincts.  “DEEP FRIED POTATO PANCAKES COVERED IN WHIPPED CREAM AND POWDERED SUGAR!?!?!  UGH, PUT IT IN MY BUTT ASAP BROCHACHO!!!  WATCH OUT FLAVORTOWN, THERE’S A NEW MAYOR IN TOWN!!!” *passes out from hyperglycemia*

Review - Zero Dark Thirty

Bigelow does the impossible and humanizes “The War on Terror” through a narrative driven by the interplay between conviction and doubt.  And Navy SEALs.

Hey, by the way, have you seen me in Mad Men?  I'm actually pretty good.

*dusts off dictionary, thumbs through pages, adjust glasses, clears throat*

War (noun) - a conflict carried on by a force of arms, as between nations or between parties within a nation; warfare, as by land, sea, or air.

So here’s the deal.  When you manipulate the definition of a word to serve political and public relations ends, you invariably lose a great deal of that word’s original context.  And when you do it to a word as powerful and influential as “war”, you lose, well, context in its entirety.  This is simply the nature of linguistics.  So as renowned super smart dude James Childress once said, “In debating social policy through the language of war, we often forget the moral reality of war.”

Now I don’t want to sound super preachy or anything, but it is incredibly easy to lose that moral reality when you substitute abstract concepts (“freedom” as defined by Party A vs “terror” as defined by Party A (see the problem already?)) for tangible entities (Country A vs Country B).  The consequences are that rules are bent and displaced, ambiguity reigns and prospers and the feedback loop for our conventional moral reality is no longer applicable.

Opening this Weekend (1/11 - 1/13)

"Knock, knock motherf*cker"

Opening - Zero Dark Thirty, Gangster Squad, A Haunted House

Netflix Streaming Review - Blue Valentine

Gosling earmuffs are the best kind of earmuffs

“The Notebook on some super serious downers”

(WARNING – SLIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD)

Blue Valentine is remarkably similar to The Notebook.  I know, right?  Crazy talk.  Allow me to explain.  Where The Notebook traffics in romantic fantasy like your aunt’s favorite super market paperback, Blue Valentine traffics in hardcore cynicism towards the entire concept of love.  It’s a complete poke in the eye of traditional “love at first sight” stories.  Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  I mean there’s a reason the divorce rate in this country is over fifty percent and that millions of couples, for a lack of more poetic language, are f*cking miserable.

But if you want to be considered more than a puff piece (which I know Blue Valentine does and, for what it’s worth, I believe is), you really need to have something meaningful to say.  Crapping on every obnoxious thing the up her own ass lit major in your economics of labor class purports isn’t a bad thing, but if you’re going to offer nothing in return, then what are you really doing besides stroking your own ego?  This is Blue Valentine’s largest problem.  It’s the story of a relationship that, at the end of the day, we know nothing about.  And when we know nothing about the one singular concept your narrative is focused around, then we have an issue.

The Wolverine Will Pretty Much Be a Western

That's not how you Tebow, silly!

Via Slashfilm, EW did a long interview with James Mangold on his upcoming film The Wolverine (my ninth most anticipated movie of the year).  I didn't read it because I have the attention span of a dying moth, but here's the money quote:

"An old friendship [puts the story in motion]. What brings him there is an old ally in Japan. We find Logan in a moment of tremendous disillusionment. We find him estranged. One of the models I used working on the film was The Outlaw Josey Wales. You find Logan and his love is gone, his mentors are gone, many of his friends are gone, his own sense of purpose – what am I doing, why do I bother – and his exhaustion is high. He has lived a long time, and he’s tired. He’s tired of the pain."

Top Twelve Most Anticipated Movies of 2013

"They're talking about how sh*tty Gatsby looks, I know they are..."

Without further ado (because I know so many of you were dying to know), here are my top twelve most anticipated movies for 2013 (what's that, why twelve and not ten?  Because I initially had eleven, then realized I forgot one.  So now it's twelve).

Netflix Streaming Review - The Queen of Versailles

Title - The Queen of Versailles

Genre - Documentary

Director - Lauren Greenfield

Cast - A super wealthy, then super not wealthy, family called the Siegels.  And some other folk.

IMDB Synopsis - "A documentary that follows a billionaire couple as they begin construction on a mansion inspired by Versailles. During the next two years, their empire, fueled by the real estate bubble and cheap money, falters due to the economic crisis."

Opening this Weekend

Hey dipshit, I WILL go Daniel fackin' Plainview on your ass

Opening - Promised Land, Texas Chainsaw 3D

Welcome, Ya Stinky Lousy Googans

Yeah, what the title says.  This is Googans on Movies, your blog devoted to all things movie/tv related done so in a manner some would call tragically decrepit and foul.  So strap in, grab a tall boy and a pack of smokes, and enjoy the ride.

On my dongski.