Opening this Weekend (1/18 - 1/20)

"The name's Kyle Chandler.  Now don't be alarmed, but just so you're aware, I will be in ALL of the movies this year."

Opening - Broken City, The Last Stand, Mama


Broken City

"FIX OUR CITY MAHK WAHLBERG LOOK HOW FACKIN' BROKEN IT IS!!!"

Synopsis - "A neo-noir about a New York City private eye who gets pulled into a shady mayoral election."

Metacritic Score - 49

Thoughts - Yeah, this looks about as exciting as your girlfriend's new dye job.  I don't understand why January has to be such a complete dumping ground for movies.  I mean it's freezing in most of the country and everyone's in sh*tty moods because the season of getting free crap is over.  What else is there to do?  Read books?  Yeah, good one.


The Last Stand

This = Amazing.  The movie... ehh, not so much.

Synopsis - "A drug cartel leader busts out of a courthouse and speeds to the Mexico border, where the only thing in his path is a sheriff and his inexperienced staff."

Metacritic Score - 55

Thoughts - I love Arnold as much as the next bromantula, but this looks reeeeeeally dumb without any of the B-movie fun we all associate with The Governator.  And I really don't understand the appeal of Johnny Knoxville.  He's... nutty and makes goofy faces?  I guess?  I don't know, I guess I'm just getting old and gassy.  Like your sister.  BOOM.


Mama

This is how I imagine every Notre Dame grad reacting to the Manti Te'o news

Synopsis - "Annabel and Lucas are faced with the challenge of raising his young nieces that were left alone in the forest for 5 years.... but how alone were they?" (Is... that a rhetorical question? Sorry, I'm not good with this kind of stuff. -ed.)

Metacritic Score - 58

Thoughts - Bearded Jaime Lannister is apparently in this so... umm... yeah... when exactly does Game of Thrones start up again?