Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Was Seth MacFarlane's Oscar Hosting Offensive to Women?

Back in the mid-2000's I used to read a fantastic site called Fire Joe Morgan.  Created by a group of buddies working under pseudonyms, the site made it their holy quest to seek out and eviscerate lazy, unsubstantiated and downright sh*tty sportswriting.  For me, it was a godsend.  One of the wittiest, funniest and yet intelligent sites I still have ever encountered on the web, I found FJM absolutely awesome (somewhat-cool, semi-related story, I found out years after the site shutdown that the primary founder, "Ken Tremendous", ended up revealing himself to be Michael Schur, creator of one of my all-time favorite tv shows, Parks and Recreaction, as well as Mose from The Office.  So yeah, feel free to use that one at the bar if you feel like.  Chicks dig small world internet stories).

But FJM's style was one where they would literally go line-by-line and dissect the ever-loving sh*t out of an article.  So if you were a writer who didn't put the proper work in, man watch out.  Because these guys knew their stuff (Moneyball style), were excellent comedic writers and were straight up ruthless.  So good.

Now applying that same style to those writing about movies and television is a lot different because subjectivity plays a much larger role in critiquing your subject.  But at the same time, just because subjectivity plays a significant role in the structure of your piece doesn't mean your subjective opinion is immune to being idiotic.

So yeah, I came across an article this morning that pissed me off to the point that I felt compelled to go after it FJM style.  And true, it may be rude and unprofessional and probably even mean, but hey, I do this as a hobby between working a nine-to-five and putting as much cheap vodka into my system as possible.  Empathy isn't exactly a strong suit for me.

Now a little background on the article.  Published in The New Yorker and authored by a Ms. Amy Davidson, the main thrust of the piece is that Seth MacFarlane's hosting gig of the Oscars was plagued by offensive misogynistic antics.  Now as a human being that lacks a vagina, I can't really comment on whether MacFarlane's act was offensive to women or not.  Did I find it stupid and crude?  Yeah, sure.  Offensive?  I don't think so, but I'm completely open to someone making the case that it was.

So Ms. Davidson, please proceed...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Episode Recap - The Walking Dead (3.9 - 3.11)

Dude's an amazing shot considering he has zero depth perception
Apologies for being late to the game on the return of TWD.  I'm hoping to do brief "recaps" (aka me bitching about how crappy all of the characters are) of each episode for the second half of Season 3, but that requires consistency and work ethic, which are the exact reasons I don't work at Nathan's anymore.  Well, that and the HR complaints.

Before we get started though, can I just say how annoying breaking up a season is?  I mean yeah, I understand it gets you more episodes and run time and whatever, but dude, it just kills any momentum the show has going for it.  Especially a show like TWD where action and plot development are key to a successful season.  I guess what I'm trying to say is, AMC, you guys are really fantastic at being boners sometimes.

Alright, but enough of my gripin' and snipin'.  Let's get to it.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Oscars 2013 - Recap

"And so then I'm all like, "BOOBS!!!"  What'd you guys think, pretty clever, huh?"
Listen, my feelings on the Oscars aren't t exactly nuanced.  I think it's the jerkiest of circle-jerks this side of the State of the Union, an absurdly over-the-top display of pomp and circumstance in which the wealthiest of the wealthy join hands to pat each other on the ass and congratulate one another for doing a great job playing pretend for a living.  So yeah, essentially the same thing as the State of the Union (ZING!).  But at the same time, I love movies.  And I love celebrating them with people who share that same passion.  So if it means I have to put up with a bunch of monumental blowhards pretending they're important for a few hours, so be it.  And hey, most importantly, it's a fantastic excuse to drink on a Sunday and make fun of people from your couch (thanks Twitter!).

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Trailer Breakdown - Game of Thrones (Season 3)

Mance Rayder don't give a f*ck
YESYESYESYESYESYESEYES.  Finally, after an eternity of waiting (aka about nine months), we're FINALLY being treated to some Game of Thrones: Season Three footage.  Lot of goodies here, including my main man Ciaran Hinds as Westeros OG Mance Rayder (I mean, look at that guy.  I would love to have a permanent scowl like that carved into my otherwise completely pussy face).  But enough about me, let's get down and dirty in this week's installment of everybody's (aka my mom's) favorite Googans on Movies segment:  Trailer Breakdown.

Opening this Weekend (2/22 - 2/24)

Blue collar Rock being hardcore with Michael K. Williams??  WHAT GODS HAVE I PLEASED?!?!
Opening - Snitch, Dark Skies

Googan suggestion for the weekend - Another light and most likely shitty weekend for movies, so yeah, I don't know, read a book or something.  I'm currently reading two books.  Because I'm smart.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Netflix Streaming Review - Lost

So I've been debating how to review this show for the past few days now.  Because to be perfectly honest, I don't have any real feelings about it.  I didn't love it, I didn't hate it, and I really don't think much about it.  And considering that Lost concluded in 2010 and it's pop culture relevance has tempered off to the point where people now just shrug and drool when I ask them if they've seen it, I'm not sure what exact point this review is going to serve.  Because let me tell you something, brother.  Binge watching Lost is kind of like deciding to run a marathon for the first time; about halfway through you're thinking to yourself, "What the f*ck was I thinking actually trying to do this."  And yet you can't quit because, well, you've devoted so much time and effort to getting through the first half.  And if you aren't prepared to power through the next couple of hours/seasons of pain, then you're in some serious trouble, brother (okay, watch the show and you'll get the joke).

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Opening this Weekend (2/15 - 2/17)

"So I just have to repeatedly make this face for ninety minutes and you give me $20 million?  Cool.  Now where do I sign?"
Note - Sorry for this being super late, y'all.  Don't drink Wednesday through Saturday, I guess would be my sh*tty advice.

Opening - A Good Day to Die Hard, Safe Haven, Beautiful Creatures, Escape from Planet Earth

Googan suggestion for the weekend - Honor the presidents by engaging in copious amounts of day drinking.  Because this is America and that's how patriotism works p*ssy *shotguns keg, punches foreigner*

Monday, February 11, 2013

Trailer Breakdown - Jack the Giant Slayer

Please say cocksucker, please say cocksucker, please say cocksucker...
Hey, guys!  What's going on?!?  So let me ask you a question.  When you saw Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, what was the first thing that went through your mind?  Well, yeah, besides how to get Gemma Arterton out of that gothy corset... but seriously guys!  How about this!  CAN WE PLEASE GET MORE EDGY, GRITTY FAIRY TALE ADAPTIONS LIKE RIGHT THE HECK NOW OMG PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!! *head explodes Scanners style* 

Well fear not, friends, Jack the Giant Slayer (suggested porn parody:  Collect the Mayan's Flavor; yeah, I know, it's a stretch) is here to save the day!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Han Solo and Boba Fett Standalone Films Confirmed

Your mom's gynecologist wears the same thing during her exams
Man, all this Star Wars news is like crack for movie bloggers.  Mm-mm-mmm.  You bring the spoon, I'll bring the Bic, Shelly's got the rock, gnome sayin'?  I mean, wait, what?

Aaaaaaanyways, unless you're poor and don't have internet access, you've probably heard that fan favorite Star Wars characters Han Solo and Boba Fett are confirmed to be getting their own standalone films, ala X-Men Origins: Wolverine (which TOTALLY sucked).  The Solo film is rumored to be centered around the character when he was in his late teens/early twenties and the Fett storyline is supposed to be based sometime during the original trilogy.

Opening this Weekend (2/8 - 2/10)

"MY GOD.  Kelis' milkshake DOES bring all the boys to yard."
Opening - Side Effects, Identity Thief

Googan suggestion for the weekend - Destroy a child's snowman.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Trailer Breakdown - Fast and Furious 6

"No Paul, I'm being serious.  You're a sh*t actor.  And that's coming from ME."
Bros!  BROS!!!  Extended trailer for Fast & Furious 6.  It's out.  Oh man, it's f*ucking out.  How torqued are you guys?!?  Seriously, how torqued?!?  'Cause this hard-on *points to below average sized penis* is ready to PAAAAAAAAR-TAAAAAAAY!!!


Saturday, February 2, 2013

Opening this Weekend (2/1 - 2/3)

"'Ey oh, Adrian, looka me, I'm a dentis'"
Opening - Bullet to the Head, Stand Up Guys, Warm Bodies

Star Wars 3.0

"Wait... So you actually thought Jar Jar Binks was a good idea?
So I know I’m super eight to this story (hehe), but I guess the big movie news of the year so far has been Disney’s purchasing of the Star Wars franchise and consequent hiring of nerd-god JJ Abrams to helm Episode VII. My thoughts on this can prooooobably be encapsulated best by a minor shrug.  Now I very much enjoy the original three, as does probably any person that happened to see them in their pre-teen years.  But I wouldn’t call myself a super-fan by any stretch.  And as for the prequels… can we just agree that those don’t exist?  I mean yes, I understand their canon or whatever and that’s fine, I can live with the story (which we all pretty much knew to begin with), but that portrayal… Jesus, those movies are beyond abysmal.  And you if you even try and defend them…