Monday, March 11, 2013

Episode Recap - The Walking Dead: "Arrow on the Doorpost"

"You go 'head bro."  "Umm, after you bro." Yeah, I think that was an actual quote
A brotastic recap of last night’s big ol’ dick measurin’ The Walking Dead - "Arrow on the Doorpost".  Check it out.

So Rick and The Governor are in this cabin and they’re all like “WHY YOU BLOWING UP MY PEEPS, BRO?!?  NOT COOL!!!”  And then Andrea’s like “Come on boys, play nice,” and Rick and The Governor are all like “SHUT UP STUPID GIRL!!! YOU’RE A GIRL SO YOU’RE STUPID!!!”  And then Rick was like “Hey GovernHER, I have a bigger D-I-C-K than you!”  But then the Governor was all like “Nuh-uh, I have a bigger D-I-C-K THAN YOU!!!  AND I have an eyepatch!”  And Rick was like, “Oh yeah, well I have STUBBLE!”  And then at the same exact time they were like, “LET’S CHUG WHISKEY!!!” And then they totally bro’d out and made Andrea leave.

Meanwhile Daryl and this Hispanic dude were all like “anything you can do I can do better” and started killing zombies in super frat ways:  Baseball bat? Check.  Crossbow?  Check.  Flying serrated blade to face from a distance? Check check check.  But then they were like, “You kill zombies good, bro, maybe we don’t have to be haters” and Daryl was like, “Wanna smoke these zombie dude’s cigs?” and the Hispanic guy was like “Nah, player, I only smoke menthols,”  and I think that's because he’s a minority but I'm not sure... but aaaaaaanyway later he’s like “F*ck it, let me get that” and they share a cigarette because it’s symbolic and ironic and they’re both like “Zombies totes blow, bro.”

On the other side of the cabin the Herschel and the creepy nerd are talking and the nerd’s like “Hey, old man, let me see what’s left of your leg” and the Hershel's like “Get the f*ck away from me, weirdo,” but then he makes a joke and starts laughing because without humor where's our humanity?  I know, sh*t's deep.

At the prison Merle is still king of the douches and they have to subdue him because a crazy redneck dickhole with a knife welded to his arm is pretty anti-cool in most people’s book.  Then Glen goes on watch to brood alone because he’s becoming a man and a leader and that’s how you know someone is becoming a man and a leader in a drama. Then Maggie comes out and she’s all like “Loves you” and he’s like “Loves you back” and then she’s like “You hear that?” and Glenn’s like “What?” and Maggie’s all like “CHOO-CHOO!  That’s the train to pound-town, boyfriend” and they totes start making out but then they’re like “Wooh, no doing it front of zombies, let’s go into this old, creepy and definitely sanitary prison garage instead” and then I was all like “Ahh, hells yeah” and closed my shades and-  I mean wait, what?

In the final scene Rick and Hershel are like "Should we give up Michonne to theoretically save everyone else?  This is an ethical dilemma and we have a pretty shoddy record when it comes to this kind of sh*t."  And then I turned it off because I don't really care and I want to read A Dance with Dragons because Game of Thrones in any format is waaaaaaaay better than The Walking Dead in any format.

*starts internet nerd war, wins*

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