Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Trailer Breakdown - Iron Man 3

Future Don Draper observes future Roger Sterling prepare him a future Old Fashioned
New Iron Man 3 trailer's all up in this place, ya'll.  Let's go break it down like a Run DMC house party.

0:00-0:20 - So in case you guys forgot, he's still Tony Stark.  And Iron Man.

0:21-0:26 - Except now he does meth apparently.  Because he can't sleep.  You guys get it?  Oh f*ck you, whatever, I've had a long day.

0:27-0:38 - God, I really hope it's Ted Nugent under that retarded-looking red white and steel Iron Man suit.  "OOOOOHHHHH LOOOOOOORD, GONNA KILL ME SOME SLANTY-EYED PIG-F*CKERS, OH YES I AM LOOOORD!!!  *Fires bow and arrow at Mexican delivery guy*

0:39-0:50 - Hmm, anyone else getting a shitty Joker vibe from The Mandarin?  In fact, I'm kinda getting a whole shitty The Dark Knight feel from this.  STOP BEING POSERS, BRO!

0:51-0:56 - This Mandarin dude is a diiiiiiiiiick.  Right?

0:57-1:01 - Hi Guy Pearce!  Hey, cool hair!  Very slick!  Now can you go back to making movies like The Proposition again? Yeah?  Awesome!  K thanks bye!

1:02-1:05 - "Where is Tony Stark?" = "Where is the Batman?"  They're not even trying.  God damn it.

1:06-1:11 - White dudes brooding over their white girls.  #WhiteDudeProblems #Entourage

1:12-1:22 - "Today... is the first day... of the rest... of your life."  Yeah, okay, sorry to be that guy, but isn't every day the first day of the rest of your life?  I mean I'm no Stephen Hawking, but I'm pretty sure that's how the whole concept of time works.  Yeah but no, but cool line, though.  Very menacing.

1:23-1:47 - So I saw The Avengers and everything, and I don't know if this takes place before that or whatever, but if not, how the f*ck was Iron Man able to absolutely handle the sh*t out of a bunch war-obsessed aliens aided by magic and other crazy nonsense, and yet appears here to get his ass completely handed to him by some weird-ass, ethnically-confused terrorist with a sh*tty haircut and worse fashion sense?  Come on bros, a little consistency is all I'm asking for.

1:48-1:54 - Okay, I take back the fashion quip back.  Those shades are pretty tight.

1:55-2:31 - Yup, it's defintely an Iron Man movie.  Not much more to say here.  But just remember this.  It now... comes...  WITH GRAVITAS!!!

*Gigantic fart sound*

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