Saturday, February 23, 2013

Trailer Breakdown - Game of Thrones (Season 3)

Mance Rayder don't give a f*ck
YESYESYESYESYESYESEYES.  Finally, after an eternity of waiting (aka about nine months), we're FINALLY being treated to some Game of Thrones: Season Three footage.  Lot of goodies here, including my main man Ciaran Hinds as Westeros OG Mance Rayder (I mean, look at that guy.  I would love to have a permanent scowl like that carved into my otherwise completely pussy face).  But enough about me, let's get down and dirty in this week's installment of everybody's (aka my mom's) favorite Googans on Movies segment:  Trailer Breakdown.

0:00-0:08 - Varys voiceover, Tyrion looking somber as a pissed off house cat and some bad-looking motherf*cker climbing a wall of ice in a blizzard with nothing more than a rusty pickax.  Solid start, I'd say.  Very solid start.

0:09 - Music homies.  Music is THE key for any good trailer.  Now what we have here is "Bones" by MS MR.  And Daddy likes.  Giving me a similar vibe as the Season Two trailer when Florence and the Machine's "Seven Devils" was employed.  Haunting female voices, bro.  Gets me every time.

0:10-0:11 - *SPOILER*  God, I can't f*cking wait for Tywin to bitch slap the sh*t out of Joffrey.  Watching Joffrey getting smacked around is like porn for me.

0:12-0:13 - Yup, Robb still looking like The King in the North.  It's all about the beard.

0:14-0:22 - Oh, man so many jump cuts.  Not conducive for this sort of endeavor.  But hey, I'm pretty sure Bran was shooting a bow and arrow.  I think that's the most character development we've seen from that little wiener since he was pushed out of a window.

0:23-0:24 - Oh hell yes.  Khaleesi.  Now your speaking my language.  God, sexiness and power make my knees feel like jelly.  (Know'm sayin', Angela Merkel?  I mean, wait, what?)

0:25-0:26 - Serious question.  Better female characters.  Game of Thrones or Downton Abbey?  Downton Abbey?  Okay, fair enough.  Moving on...


0:31-0:33 - Fire swords, knives being slammed into tables and more archery?  Yup, definitely still a Game of Thrones trailer.

0:34-0:38 - See 0:10-0:11 for a recap of my feelings about these peeps.

Sidenote - Are the Lannisters pretty much the Wall Street of Game of Thrones where each Lannister is a different bank/institution?  They're all related in a very incestuous fashion, they're super-rich and super-smart, and they pretty much f*ck the general populace over on a daily basis while not providing much social welfare, all for the sake of power and wealth.  Yeah, that's a lazy and over-simplified political analogy for you, do what you will with it.

0:39-0:42 - Is Game of Thrones the only show in the world where lines like "There's a beast in every man, and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand" don't sound goofy, but in actuality sound so appropriately badass you just want to jump up and be like, "Yeah, true that, bro!   Hook me up with a sword, and go buckwild on some fools!"

0:43-0:53 - Nothing else matters.  Because we got MOTHERF*CKING DRAGONS UP IN THIS PIECE!!!

0:54-1:00 - In the immortal words of Bill Paxton, "Game over, man.  Game f*cking over, man."

God, I can't wait for March 31.  In case you couldn't tell.

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