 |
| "'Ey oh, Adrian, looka me, I'm a dentis'" |
Bullet to the Head
 |
| Do work, Sly. Do work. |
Summary – “After watching their
respective partners die, a cop and a hitman form an alliance in order to bring
down their common enemy.”
Metacritic Score – 49
Thoughts – Serious question. At what point does nostalgia go from being
genuine nostalgia to tone-deaf obnoxiousness?
I mean, hey, I love Predator
and Cobra as much as the next guy,
but the reason myself and other brotastic dudes enjoy those movies is for
completely non-quantifiable reasons.
Trying to replicate that sort of enjoyment through the application of
the most shallow of common factors (same but older actors, absurd plot,
explosions, sh*tty one-liners…) seems a bit counter-intuitive, if not offensive,
to the exact people you’re targeting.
It’s as if a studio exec was like “Okay, so this target demo is trending
towards favorable in regards to 80’s action movies! Let’s make a million of them! What?
No, of course I don’t give a sh*t about why that trending is occurring, I just know that it is! Hooray!
Esteban, break out the coke!
Vamonos!”
Stand Up Guys
 |
| Greatest picture of all time? Greatest picture of all time. |
Summary - "A pair of aging con men try to get the old gang back together for one last hurrah before one of the guys takes his last assignment -- to kill his comrade."
Metacritic Score - 41
Thoughts - Great cast, fun concept... but I just don't know, man. I never got good vibes from this one, and the Metacritic score seems to justify that. Which is a bummer. Watching the one-time greats embrace their age and have a sense of humor about it is always a good time. But this looks a little too on the nose for me. I've already heard there are numerous Viagra jokes. I mean, really? Let me guess, they have trouble with all sorts of new-fangled technology as well?!? God damn it.
Warm Bodies
 |
| So wait, at the end of the day this movie is about necrophilia, right? Ok, cool. |
Summary – “A zombie
becomes involved with the girlfriend of one of his victims.”
Metacritic Score – 60
Thoughts – Zombieland
meets Twilight? Sort of?
I don’t know. I didn’t like Zombieland because I’m an old curmudgeon
that likes to yell racial epithets at Asian children, so the whole tongue in cheek thing didn't really work for me. Plus I think I would rather devour a bowl full of
earthworms and gout before watching Twilight. So yeah, I guess another weekend of watering plants and liquefying dead hookers
for Old Bill. (*sighs, stares longingly out window*)
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