|"'Ey oh, Adrian, looka me, I'm a dentis'"|
Bullet to the Head
|Do work, Sly. Do work.|
Summary – “After watching their respective partners die, a cop and a hitman form an alliance in order to bring down their common enemy.”
Metacritic Score – 49
Thoughts – Serious question. At what point does nostalgia go from being genuine nostalgia to tone-deaf obnoxiousness? I mean, hey, I love Predator and Cobra as much as the next guy, but the reason myself and other brotastic dudes enjoy those movies is for completely non-quantifiable reasons. Trying to replicate that sort of enjoyment through the application of the most shallow of common factors (same but older actors, absurd plot, explosions, sh*tty one-liners…) seems a bit counter-intuitive, if not offensive, to the exact people you’re targeting. It’s as if a studio exec was like “Okay, so this target demo is trending towards favorable in regards to 80’s action movies! Let’s make a million of them! What? No, of course I don’t give a sh*t about why that trending is occurring, I just know that it is! Hooray! Esteban, break out the coke! Vamonos!”
Stand Up Guys
|Greatest picture of all time? Greatest picture of all time.|
Summary - "A pair of aging con men try to get the old gang back together for one last hurrah before one of the guys takes his last assignment -- to kill his comrade."
Metacritic Score - 41
Thoughts - Great cast, fun concept... but I just don't know, man. I never got good vibes from this one, and the Metacritic score seems to justify that. Which is a bummer. Watching the one-time greats embrace their age and have a sense of humor about it is always a good time. But this looks a little too on the nose for me. I've already heard there are numerous Viagra jokes. I mean, really? Let me guess, they have trouble with all sorts of new-fangled technology as well?!? God damn it.
|So wait, at the end of the day this movie is about necrophilia, right? Ok, cool.|
Summary – “A zombie becomes involved with the girlfriend of one of his victims.”
Metacritic Score – 60
Thoughts – Zombieland meets Twilight? Sort of? I don’t know. I didn’t like Zombieland because I’m an old curmudgeon that likes to yell racial epithets at Asian children, so the whole tongue in cheek thing didn't really work for me. Plus I think I would rather devour a bowl full of earthworms and gout before watching Twilight. So yeah, I guess another weekend of watering plants and liquefying dead hookers for Old Bill. (*sighs, stares longingly out window*)