|"So I just have to repeatedly make this face for ninety minutes and you give me $20 million? Cool. Now where do I sign?"|
Opening - A Good Day to Die Hard, Safe Haven, Beautiful Creatures, Escape from Planet Earth
Googan suggestion for the weekend - Honor the presidents by engaging in copious amounts of day drinking. Because this is America and that's how patriotism works p*ssy *shotguns keg, punches foreigner*
A Good Day to Die Hard
|Because why the f*ck not?|
Synopsis - "John McClane and his son take on local forces in Russia."
Metacritic Score - 28 (Yikes)
Thoughts - Die Hard is my all-time favorite action movie, so it's a little sad to see the majesty of this one-time great franchise (well, at least Die Hard and Die Hard 3) fall from grace. But at the same time we brought this on ourselves with our bizarre and sudden obsession with 80's action franchises, so if your looking in a mirror right now, I give you permission to punch it. Ugh. Nostalgia porn is the worst kind of porn. And I've seen some preeeeeeeetty weird porno.
|Bro, you're like so totes looking at her boobs right now.|
Synopsis - "
|"...and that's why anal is the key to any healthy relationship."|
Synopsis - "Beautiful Creatures tells the tale of two star-crossed lovers: Ethan, a young man longing to escape his small town, and Lena, a mysterious new girl. Together, they uncover dark secrets about their respective families, their history and their town." (Warner Bros.)
Metacritic Score - 51
Thoughts - *repeatedly smashes head against desk until brain residue leaks out*
Escape from Planet Earth
|Well, they managed to use all three primary colors. So that's cool, I guess...|
Synopsis - "Astronaut Scorch Supernova finds himself caught in a trap when he responds to an SOS from a notoriously dangerous alien planet."
Metacritic Score - 45 (there has literally only been one good movie to come out this year. I mean I know January and February are a dumping ground but... just wow. I really picked the wrong time to start this blog -ed.)
Thoughts - I have no f*cking clue what this is, but it kind of looks like Monsters Inc. for dummies. Which means it'll probably make a sh*t ton more money than Monsters Inc. But incidentally I had a fraternity brother named Scorch Supernova. And yes, he had a lot of STDs.