Opening this Weekend (3/29 - 3/31)

Silly goose, take your blindfold off!

Opening - G.I. Joe: Retaliation, The Host, Tyler Perry's Temptation, The Place Beyond the Pines (limited release)

Googan suggestion for the weekend - College basketball or GTFO.  But also, The Place Beyond the Pines, my third most anticipated movie of the year.  See Baby Goose in all his sultry glory before he fades into a retirement filled with puppies, goose feather pillows and warm mochaccinos.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

"Shut up whore, this shirt totally fits.  I'm a hero." 

Synopsis - "In this sequel, the G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence." [Paramount Pictures]

Metascore - 42

Thoughts - I don't really know what to make of the GI Joe franchise.  It's like it wants to be part Fast & Furious, part Transformers and part The Expendables.  Doesn't really strike me as a recipe for success, especially when you kill off your most bankable star in the first five minutes and consequently delay the movie for a year so you can re-edit it to give him more screentime.  GI Joe is pretty much that friend that tries to please everyone but ends up just getting on everyone's nerves, I guess is what I'm trying to say.


The Host

NEEDS MORE SUPER PLAIN WHITE PEOPLE THANK YOU!!

Synopsis - "One soul, the Wanderer, is fused with a captured human named Melanie Stryder, in an attempt to locate the last pocket of surviving humans on Earth."

Metascore - 36

Thoughts - *FAAAAAAAAAAAAART NOISE*


Tyler Perry's Temptation

Wow.  Talk about subtlety.  Impressive.

Synopsis - "A marriage counselor's personal and professional life becomes complicated after she enters into a relationship with one of her clients." (umm... yeah, no shit -ed.)

Metascore - 28 (shocker -ed.)

Thoughts - The title of this movie LITERALLY has Tyler Perry's name in it.  UGGGGHHHH.  God that is infuriating.  And Kim Kardashian is in it.  Kim Kardashian.  That woman is barely capable of blowing out a candle without tripping over herself.  She is the North Korea of the celebrities on at least three different levels.  So no, I won't be seeing this.


The Place Beyond the Pines

MAAAAAAAKE OOOOUUU-  I mean wait, what?

Synopsis - "A motorcycle stunt rider considers committing a crime in order to provide for his wife and child, an act that puts him on a collision course with a cop-turned-politician." (if "The Departed" taught us anything the only thing worse than a cop is a cop with political ambitions.  So SUCK IT BRADLEY COOPER! -ed.)

Metascore - 63

Thoughts - Hooray, finally a movie that I want to see!  Pretty excited for this one as I think Cianfrance is one of the ballsier directors out there right now.  But the dude makes some HEAVY sh*t, so don't reserve this one for date night.  I could easily see myself not really enjoying the movie but absolutely respecting the ambition of it.  And the acting is guaranteed to be worth the price of admission alone.  Sort of like Blue Valentine, I guess.

But most importantly, this: